#13 - Truth and Honesty
2 of my top 3 values are truth and truthful dealings with others
*A series of works written within one day
“Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.” ― Walden
“A man's worth is determined by how much truth he can bear” ― Nietzche
Truth, honesty, and loyalty are my top 3 values. Yeah, 2 of my top 3 values are truth and truthful dealings with others. My obsession with truth emanates from my younger years when I was a fairly hardcore Lesswrong rationalist and hated things like small talk. I cared about truth over aesthetics, functionality over form, reason over emotion, and reality over perception. Truth was my ultimate aim.
“Because sometimes the truth isn’t good enough, sometimes people deserve more” ― The Dark Knight
Christinaity gave people meaning and purpose, truth gave people nihilism ― Paraphrasing Nietzche
But in the last few years, I began seeing truth as my ultimate aim as harmful. Truth is often pessimistic and should be meditated with a healthy dose of optimism and kindness. The pursuit of truth can impede understanding. Understanding people and a system can go beyond fundamentally true statements to metaphorical truth or intuition which are equally important.
“Is it true; is it kind, or is it necessary?” ― Socrates
But I still highly value truth and honesty in my dealings with others. While white lies sometimes slip into my speech, I try to keep a running list of every lie (even white) I’ve told to someone. I’ll avoid convenient lies and own up to uncomfortable facts in the name of honesty. Most recently I admitted to direct questions from an acquaintance that my close friend’s version of events wasn’t true. After an awkward attempt, I will need very good reasons to lie for people close to me. While I have adopted a particular brand of avoiding questions with arguably nonsequitar true sentences that basically amount to deception, I believe a healthy cloak for those who aren’t listening closely can be functional.
“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.” ― Mark Twain
Truth and honesty are the bedrock for good decisions and relationships. High trust relationships where you can just tell the truth and trust someone has your best interests at heart are so efficient. If you can spend less time crafting communication and more time living, then that is so valuable. Your truth spoken with loving intention, regardless of the potential insult, is powerful for dealing with early issues.
Honest information is not coated in any protective layering to subvert your attention. True information lets you actually interact with and know reality. In matters of importance from administering provinces to raising a kid, if some support or person or situation is not there, then you should really know about it. Realistically the biggest problem is when you are too used to the pleasant lies you once told yourself, but that should be a problem solved quickly. Here’s my favorite litany which is specifically about facing reality:
What is true is already so.
Owning up to it doesn't make it worse.
Not being open about it doesn't make it go away.
And because it's true, it is what is there to be interacted with.
Anything untrue isn't there to be lived.
People can stand what is true,
for they are already enduring it.
― Litany of Gendlin